I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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