Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
