Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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