his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
