Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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