i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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