chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cockslap morals
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
