just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
