fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
