if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
