apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
