I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize