Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
