you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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