How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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