you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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