I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
