What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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