If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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