I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's official drugs can't kill me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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