i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
