All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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