Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
