i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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