Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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