i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
