I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
