reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
