Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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