she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
