Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I FOUND THE LEGS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
