Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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