your thong is hanging out like whoa
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
