what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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