Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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