I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize