I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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