its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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