you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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