the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
