Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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