nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
