He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
