Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
