Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
