I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
