Do you still have your period?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
