Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She needs sedatives and a leash
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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