you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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