Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
