You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
