well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
