question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize