Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
