Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
