You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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