I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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