I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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