Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
