cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
