Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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