I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you bring me the toilet please
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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