You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
