is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
