get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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