Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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