i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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